What I really meant to say...

Anonymous said: Hey man so my girl and I have been dating for about a year and I really want to go down on her and show her how much I love her. I'm kinda worried I won't do it right though so what should I do and what does it taste like?? Thanks dude you're awesome

flilyfe:

Well first of all don’t just go straight into the pussy. Tease her, start by kissing her deeply, then gradually move down. Kissing her neck, then her chest. Lick around her navel (belly button). Then open her legs. This is where you need to tease her. Kiss and lick on her inner thighs, which as a result will make her excited. Once she can’t take it anymore, slowly slide your tongue up and down her clit. Your tongue needs to be flat (like you’re trying to touch your chin with your tongue). Then speed up a little. Continue to slide your tongue up and down her clit with your tongue faster and harder this time. If your tongue gets tired, rest it by spitting on her pussy (to make it wetter) and then sucking on her clit gently. Awesome sex isn’t pretty my friend, it’s messy. Also don’t be afraid to look her in her eyes, she’ll get real excited. Once your tongue is rested, gently slide your middle finger into her pussy (the back of your hand should be facing down while your palm are face up. Also please make sure your nails are cut bro..)… You should do this while you’re sliding your tongue up and down her clit. When your finger is inside of her rub the roof of her vaginal cavity with your finger (g-spot). You’ll drive her crazy. If you do this she’ll love you forever. 

Flilyfe got this down pact ladies

Via Advice & Love by Chris High/Flilyfe

If you ever feel bad about yourself remember once my entire family went out to dinner together and forgot my cousin at home. We tight she was in the car the whole time and has to go back and get her.


iverbz:

eluting:

an ideal date would be eating takeout dinner in our pjs while watching Netflix and you play with my hair

yall literally have the lowest standards in the history of the universe and there are animals that accept urine as a mating gift

Actually that sounds great…. seriously, days don’t have to be elaborate or cost a lot of money

(Source: wispygirl)

Via

If I’m your tumblr crush send me a “hey fuck face”

chysterthefriendlyghost:

ask-koki-kariya:

ask-koki-kariya:

lawliet-is-l-a-sexy:

bilbo-swwaggins:

princess-poop:

castielsteenwolf:

JESUS CHRIST I HAVE GOTTEN ABOUT 45 MESSAGES PLEASE STOP

Omg i’ll smile forever

id cry from happiness i think

image

that last gif will be me in 3 hours

edit: I was dead wrong

Reblogging this is dumb but that gif is accurate.

(Source: warningyoumayfall)

Via KayNanArie

the-masters-fallen-angel:

geobytes:

My grandma would always x out people in her yearbook and write “Deceased” when one of her high school classmates died. We often found it morbid. Grandma wanted to be the last one living. She wanted to win.

That’s not a yearbook.

That’s a hit list.

Via pizza ✌

ms-debano:

j3d1ntraining:

third-round-charm:

Dear Tumblr,
Perhaps you don’t know the only fucking thing an anchor is designed to do. Just to be safe, I’ve fixed your tattoos for you. - Craig

if this doesn’t become a famous text post, i think i’d go insane…

I want a tattoo of floaties now

It’s a metaphor? But seriously get like…a ring out something. LOseR$

(Source: popping-smoke)


Via LADIES BEWARE


So today I wanted dinner but didnt want to cook but have no money so I jokingly posted the first status on Facebook and within 10 minutes my friend Travis literally delivered.



I wanna love you but I feel so disgusting and inadequate… maybe we should break up and you can find someone who fits everything you want cause I don’t think that will ever be me. .



Keepin for drawin reference can someine tell me what this is from?



gallifrey-feels:

zzazu:

britney2007spears:

joebarborak:

thepurdypurdy:

THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN LAST WEEK AT MY LOCAL KMART. YES, THAT IS A SEALED VHS TAPE OF JIMMY NEUTRON THE MOVIE, IN 2014, AT KMART, SITTING NEXT TO DVDS AND BLU-RAYS, PRICED AT $8.99 

To give perspective, this film was released on VHS in 2002 and has been sitting unopened in a Kmart store for 12 years, longer than children now in middle school. 

Plain proof that no one does inventory or gives a shit at any Kmart anywhere. Someone could probably live in Kmart and have no one notice. 

In 2001, I did an experiment for school about the idea of living in a big-box store like this. I selected a busy 24hr Meijer, which is a midwest-only combination of Marts both K and Wal. I entered the store on a lovely friday afternoon, and didn’t leave the store until the following sunday evening. I read the entire magazine section, played all of the demos of the games in the electronics section, and beat minesweeper on my phone innumerable times. I ate at the pizza parlour they’d just installed, and slept on the display furniture. I wandered around the racks during the day, bored out of my skull. I considered buying frozen burritos and asking one of the employees if they had a breakroom where I could microwave them, but that felt like it wouldn’t truly answer the question if someone could live in a Meijer; I’d be using resources that weren’t public.

The only time I was ever asked if I needed any help was on sunday morning around 8am, and then it was only waking me up to ask me if I was drunk and had wandered in that night and fell asleep on their displays. I said, “no, I’m fine, I’m just trying this futon.” and was left alone.

The people that work there really don’t care.

u lived in a k-mart

This is the most magical thing I’ve ever had the privilege of reading

you deserve a book deal and a movie just for the phrase ‘marts both k and wal’ 

My gramma managed a Kmart for 28 years and she cared till they closed it way back when since then they stopped caring



kinetic-squirrel:

ethiopienne:

perfection

If you feel like cringing yourself to death and crying to sleep for the rest of your life should you miraculously survive the ordeal, you can watch it on youtube

This was painful


Via Pleasurable Neuroticism

allmonds:

sluttyoliveoil:

allmonds:

stand:

I

I DONT GET IT SOMEONE EXPLAIN

i understand

THEN FUCKIBG TELL ME

Smh

Via Love Me

GAIZE I THOUGHT HIS HAND WAS AN ABNORMALLY LONG PENIS OR SOMETHING

(Source: lust-and-lingerie)



elluvias:

heterophobicgoat:

stupidandreckless:

NOOOO NO NO NONO FUCK FUCK  FUCKIG CBS IS TELLING WOMEN NOT TO REPORT SEXUAL HARASSMENT BECAUSE IT WILL “DAMAGE THEIR CAREERS” and “HARASSMENT IS AN UNFORTUNATE PART OF CLIMBING THE LADDER” I AM SO ANGRY THEY ARE LITERALLY TURNING SEXUAL HARASSMENT INTO A NORM THIS IS NOT OKAY

This is an actual article and I’m still having a hard time believing it’s real.

IF YOU ARE SEXUALLY HARRASSED YOU REPORT THAT SHIT


Via Still dont know what I'm doing here...



1636
To Tumblr, Love PixelUnion