an ideal date would be eating takeout dinner in our pjs while watching Netflix and you play with my hair
yall literally have the lowest standards in the history of the universe and there are animals that accept urine as a mating gift
Actually that sounds great…. seriously, days don’t have to be elaborate or cost a lot of money
JESUS CHRIST I HAVE GOTTEN ABOUT 45 MESSAGES PLEASE STOP
Omg i’ll smile forever
id cry from happiness i think
that last gif will be me in 3 hours
edit: I was dead wrong
Reblogging this is dumb but that gif is accurate.
My grandma would always x out people in her yearbook and write “Deceased” when one of her high school classmates died. We often found it morbid. Grandma wanted to be the last one living. She wanted to win.
That’s not a yearbook.
That’s a hit list.
Perhaps you don’t know the only fucking thing an anchor is designed to do. Just to be safe, I’ve fixed your tattoos for you. - Craig
if this doesn’t become a famous text post, i think i’d go insane…
I want a tattoo of floaties now
It’s a metaphor? But seriously get like…a ring out something. LOseR$
Via LADIES BEWARE
So today I wanted dinner but didnt want to cook but have no money so I jokingly posted the first status on Facebook and within 10 minutes my friend Travis literally delivered.
I wanna love you but I feel so disgusting and inadequate… maybe we should break up and you can find someone who fits everything you want cause I don’t think that will ever be me. .
THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN LAST WEEK AT MY LOCAL KMART. YES, THAT IS A SEALED VHS TAPE OF JIMMY NEUTRON THE MOVIE, IN 2014, AT KMART, SITTING NEXT TO DVDS AND BLU-RAYS, PRICED AT $8.99
To give perspective, this film was released on VHS in 2002 and has been sitting unopened in a Kmart store for 12 years, longer than children now in middle school.
Plain proof that no one does inventory or gives a shit at any Kmart anywhere. Someone could probably live in Kmart and have no one notice.
In 2001, I did an experiment for school about the idea of living in a big-box store like this. I selected a busy 24hr Meijer, which is a midwest-only combination of Marts both K and Wal. I entered the store on a lovely friday afternoon, and didn’t leave the store until the following sunday evening. I read the entire magazine section, played all of the demos of the games in the electronics section, and beat minesweeper on my phone innumerable times. I ate at the pizza parlour they’d just installed, and slept on the display furniture. I wandered around the racks during the day, bored out of my skull. I considered buying frozen burritos and asking one of the employees if they had a breakroom where I could microwave them, but that felt like it wouldn’t truly answer the question if someone could live in a Meijer; I’d be using resources that weren’t public.
The only time I was ever asked if I needed any help was on sunday morning around 8am, and then it was only waking me up to ask me if I was drunk and had wandered in that night and fell asleep on their displays. I said, “no, I’m fine, I’m just trying this futon.” and was left alone.
The people that work there really don’t care.
u lived in a k-mart
This is the most magical thing I’ve ever had the privilege of reading
you deserve a book deal and a movie just for the phrase ‘marts both k and wal’
My gramma managed a Kmart for 28 years and she cared till they closed it way back when since then they stopped caring
If you feel like cringing yourself to death and crying to sleep for the rest of your life should you miraculously survive the ordeal, you can watch it on youtube
This was painful
Via Pleasurable Neuroticism
I DONT GET IT SOMEONE EXPLAIN
THEN FUCKIBG TELL ME
GAIZE I THOUGHT HIS HAND WAS AN ABNORMALLY LONG PENIS OR SOMETHING
NOOOO NO NO NONO FUCK FUCK FUCKIG CBS IS TELLING WOMEN NOT TO REPORT SEXUAL HARASSMENT BECAUSE IT WILL “DAMAGE THEIR CAREERS” and “HARASSMENT IS AN UNFORTUNATE PART OF CLIMBING THE LADDER” I AM SO ANGRY THEY ARE LITERALLY TURNING SEXUAL HARASSMENT INTO A NORM THIS IS NOT OKAY
This is an actual article and I’m still having a hard time believing it’s real.
IF YOU ARE SEXUALLY HARRASSED YOU REPORT THAT SHIT
Via Still dont know what I'm doing here...
i wish i was even half as brave as finn
THIS IS A SHOW FOR CHILDREN
Via The Bashful Buddhist
LETS PLAY THE “TYPE THESE WORDS IN YOU R TAG BOX AND POST THE FIRST AUTOMATIC TAG THAT COMES UP” GAME: DIRTY WORD ADDITION OK
OKAY THO BUT I’M CRYING BECAUSE THE TAG THAT SHOWED UP WITH ‘SHIT’ WAS #50 shades